Tag: #jesus

Who is this Holy Spirit? Part One.

by lucysmoot

I’m going to begin sharing a story with you from my life in the past year and a half. Here it begins! I really hope it encourages or moves you in some way.

In January of 2018 I remember having this overwhelming feeling that there was

more.

Have you ever felt that? It’s kind of a confusing feeling, it’s like finding a hole where you did not realize there was one. “Look dad, there’s a hole in the ceiling! That probably shouldn’t be there right? How do we fix it?” Frightening, honestly. Because what if I don’t find something that can fill it?

I need to give you some more context,

at this point, I knew Jesus. I had felt his love, and felt him free me from needing people to define my worth, and free me from shame, and free me from really heavy depression!!!! Amen and thank you Jesus! I felt a drastic shift after going to Young Life camp for a week, a camp called Pioneer Plunge. I came back feeling like I could physically walk lighter knowing my worth, came back feeling intense joy, and came back with this tangible passion to love people around me and for them to feel the newfound freedom and wholeness I felt. As the insecurity left the focus shifted away from myself, and toward Jesus and his love for me and all of his beloved kids. Insane awesome, right??

At this point, I felt close to Jesus at times, worshiped him, spent time in my Bible, went to church, taught countless middle schoolers and people around me about who he is from what I knew in my head, read in the Bible, and some of what I had experienced that He is like. Keep that word “experienced” in your head.

I got these thoughts in my head, unprompted by anyone, totally out of the blue,

“I think I need to know more about the Holy Spirit. Who is he? Is he a person? Or a thing? Do you even use the pronoun “he” when you talk about the Holy Spirit? What is a spirit anyway? In church they mention “Holy Spirit” in passages of scripture, and sometimes even talk about what he does. But I need to know more, I’m confused. I’m missing something.”

I always knew the Sunday school answers that there is the Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I knew the Father is basically the main God (at least in my head, bear with me!). I knew Jesus is the Father’s Son who he sent to die to take care of His wrath for sin, and that Jesus rose again. I knew that the Holy Spirit convicts of sin and He’s everywhere. I knew they’re all the same person but different (whatever that means). I always related the most with Jesus, and really only addressed him cause he deserves it right, He’s the one who died?

Now I know some of y’all can relate to that last section. It’s not totally incorrect theology, but I think it’s missing a ton, and a little confusing, and that’s what I was beginning to recognize January of 2018.

In this place of wanting to know more, I read the book, “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan, and tried asking older adults at my church for answers, but I didn’t totally know what to ask, and I don’t think they really knew what to tell me either. I thought that book would answer all of my questions, but it only left me with ten thousand more. I felt like I needed something more.

In March, I went to a creative arts conference called “The Breath and the Clay” (cool name right?) for the second time at a church called Awake in Winston-Salem. The conference was so rich and sweet. One specific moment I was listening to a speaker, and for the few weeks leading up to the conference I was feeling extra lonely, and feeling the weight of how I never felt like I “fit” throughout my childhood and into adulthood. It was causing me to despair and feel this heaviness. In the middle of the session, the speaker said with excitement and joy in his voice,

“you were made for more than just to fit in!”

I’ve never heard words that spoke so clearly to what I was thinking, and I knew they were for me, and it freed me. I left feeling the presence of God right with me like I never had, it was like I finally knew in a totally new way, “he really is right here! I can feel him in front of me!” I think I audibly said that to Him once I got into my car and I didn’t want to drive away because the moment was so good, so I sat in my car for a good 15 minutes. That is hard to describe. But so very real!

and it was as if the Father himself was speaking it into the microphone to just me.

At the end of the conference I felt this strong pull to come back to Awake Church. I felt so free and welcome and loved there, it was insane. I didn’t fully understand why yet, I just knew I had to come back ASAP! I ended up visiting periodically, trying to make the final decision of whether I would start going to church there. But the whole time I knew I had to, I knew this place was what I needed.

I’m going to hit pause on this story because this is so many words already haha. This’ll be part one, then there will be a few more to finish this story, so stay tuned! I hope that as you read this you can relate to a piece of it and I hope it is encouraging to you.

Please comment/text me/facebook me/send a homing pigeon (idk what a homing pigeon is, I think I heard that on The Incredibles and thought it sounded cool!) and let me know what you relate to or anything you’re thinking about this subject. I would love to start some dialogue with you about it or anything really! I love friendship.

Catch ya on the flippity flip!

Lucy Smoot

Why Bethel school?

by lucysmoot
a watercolor I painted of the college campus I visited in Santa Cruz, California.

Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry- my new adventure for the next year that starts in August of 2019! Across the country. In Redding, California. Booyaaaah!

As some of you know, I am embarking on an incredible journey soon that the Father has invited me on! I wanted to speak more about why I’m going to Bethel School of Ministry specifically.

In August of last year my mom and I visited the Santa Cruz area of Northern California, and it was a dream! I fell in love with the Golden state and felt this strong pull to go back. We went onto the campus of UCSC and it was GORGEOUS and I thought, “I would love to go to school out here”. It was a dream I did not for see happening, yet I dreamed it. (The Father loves to give us things that we want! So we shouldn’t be afraid to dream!) Like a good dad loves to surprise his daughter with the perfect gift on her Christmas list that she asked for, my Father loves to give me things that I desire that he knows are the best for me.

In the early fall, I got home from the trip and a few weeks later told my friends that I was moving to California. I presented it as a joke, but I really meant it. It’s as if I knew I would be moving there at some point, I just had no idea the timing or details of that. So I kept saying it over and over and California kept popping up.

One day in January I was telling a friend about how I felt like I wanted to go on an adventure in fall of 2019 and that I just love California. He asked if I had considered applying to Bethel School of Ministry, and I hadn’t! I had heard of it before, had a friend who attended a year there and had listened to a lot of music and teaching from Bethel Church in Redding, but hadn’t even thought of Bethel School for myself. I opened the application, read through information about the school, and the more and more I worked on the application, the more I felt like this is for me.

I finished the application and the day before my skype interview had a conversation with the Father and felt like he was saying that if I got in, that would be his “yes” that this is what he is calling me to, and if I did not get in, that was his “no” to this and yes to something else. I told him that if I got in, I would go! I did my skype interview- which went insanely well!- and got in the same day as my interview when I was told it would probably take a week or a few weeks to hear back. I was overjoyed when I saw the email, rejoiced in the Lord’s invitation, and knew I would go!

I went through a short period of doubt in this decision. A handful of people close to me were very opposed to this decision to go. Some of my friends on the other hand were pumped for me and celebrated me. There were so many emotions, questions, fears, and doubts that first week after I got in. I read articles and watched videos of people who are very against Bethel, and felt the Holy Spirit assure me that this is what he has for me and that it will be good. He even showed me that I will be able to pray for people and see miracles happen as I walk with him. I began learning the voice of the Holy Spirit to me a lot more, and how he sometimes gives me feelings, jolts and chills to tell me something as well as thoughts that pop into my head from Him, things that catch my attention, etc. I am able to discern often whether something is from Him or not, and which outside voices I should and shouldn’t listen to.

As I spoke with pastors, mentors, family, and peers about this decision, I came to the conclusion that the voice of Holy Spirit has to be what I listen to first and foremost. I sought wise counsel and adults I trust were very on board with this decision, even though a few were very opposed. I learned that you will get a hundred different answers to something if you ask a hundred people, but the Holy Spirit is worth listening to the most. I listened to the Spirit throughout all of that, and he showed me what was truth he was speaking and what was not his heart for me. I became so confident in hearing from the Father, and feeling his peace and excitement over my choice to follow his leading, even if not everyone was on board.

Ever since I said “yes” to Bethel, and watched the Lord provide my deposit of $500 for the school, I have been learning so much, and hearing and seeing so much more of what he is saying! I am so thankful that he is patient with me, and is leading me into so much more joy and freedom!!

In the next post I will talk more about my journey with the Holy Spirit.

Feel free to ask me any questions or share any comments you have!

I would love if you would subscribe to my posts via email below to stay up to date with me. Until next time!

Lucy Smoot